I don't want to do this anymore. Let's go somewhere far far away and be totally different people. Change our names and our appearances, live an entirely different life. Let's be careless and embrace the best things in life.
I always think about how afraid I am of growing up, but you make me almost excited to.
Would someone care to classify our broken hearts and twisted minds so I can find someone to rely on, and run.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
float.
every day is a new day. a new day to smile, laugh, look up at the sun; no matter what, it's there. it's always going to be there. it's a new day to be whoever you want. or whoever you don't want.
i have changed so much in the past couple years, i honestly don't even really know who i am anymore. i mean, i thought for a bit, just a little while, that i had it figured out. that i was settled and had some stability in my life. in many aspects i wasn't stable at all, who really ever is entirely. but for the most part, i felt at least some sense of stability. and now it's gone.
i'm scared to write what i really feel because of what people may think or assume about me. it's unfortunate, really. i should be at a point in my life where i really don't care what other people think. the majority of the time, i am like that. my choices are to make me happy regardless of what people think because i know i deserve that. i deserve, just like everyone else, to be happy. if i can make someone else happy, that makes it easier for me to be happy, too.
i'm scared. scared of growing up, of not growing up. scared of school, my friends, drinking too much. of if it will rain and i don't have an umbrella, of never having a real family ever again. i'm scared of falling in love or not falling in love at all. i'm terrified of never being able to be enough. thinking about the future lately is making my heart sink and my body feel irrevocably weak.
i spent years teaching myself to be numb, and now i don't want to be numb anymore. so i'll just pray that things find some way to work out for me.
i have changed so much in the past couple years, i honestly don't even really know who i am anymore. i mean, i thought for a bit, just a little while, that i had it figured out. that i was settled and had some stability in my life. in many aspects i wasn't stable at all, who really ever is entirely. but for the most part, i felt at least some sense of stability. and now it's gone.
i'm scared to write what i really feel because of what people may think or assume about me. it's unfortunate, really. i should be at a point in my life where i really don't care what other people think. the majority of the time, i am like that. my choices are to make me happy regardless of what people think because i know i deserve that. i deserve, just like everyone else, to be happy. if i can make someone else happy, that makes it easier for me to be happy, too.
i'm scared. scared of growing up, of not growing up. scared of school, my friends, drinking too much. of if it will rain and i don't have an umbrella, of never having a real family ever again. i'm scared of falling in love or not falling in love at all. i'm terrified of never being able to be enough. thinking about the future lately is making my heart sink and my body feel irrevocably weak.
i spent years teaching myself to be numb, and now i don't want to be numb anymore. so i'll just pray that things find some way to work out for me.
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